I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
