i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
