If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
