We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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