Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
