i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize