I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
