I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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