I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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