one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
