the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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