oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
