and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
