just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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