you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
