MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
