You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
