So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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