I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
