GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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