I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
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he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
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my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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