we have officially lost it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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