Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize