Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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