A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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