I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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