also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
