I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
