just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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