I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
