My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
