he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he shaved USA in his pubs
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
