So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
MIDGETS
????
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
