Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
