Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
