Cold hands, warm shart.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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