But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
