Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
