I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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