Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
