My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
