The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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