new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
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well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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