It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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