Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
