just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
