its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
