I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
