if i died would you start the facebook group?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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