She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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