Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
