i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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