so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
