so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
