recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
