i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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