you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
