after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
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I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
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I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize