you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
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I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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